The following is a testimony, written by Sarah Phillips, who lives here in Charlotte. She gives in site, into her teenage and college years, in Colorado in the early 2000’s. Many women can relate to the battle modern young women face navigating a society full of conflicting messages, intense peer pressure and the search to find true fulfillment. Satan peddles a lot of lies to women and abortion is a big one. She wrote this in hopes of helping other people understand, even “good girls” face societal pressures and temptations, however, when tough choices must be made, the life option is God’s true plan. Having a baby is not the end of a woman’s dreams, with the proper perspective, it is a blessing.
I hope that as I write this, you hear my heart’s desire which is to share the love of Jesus as well as my indignation for the horrors of abortion to be exposed and extinguished for good. It is because I know and love Jesus that this righteous fight is in my soul. He snatched me from the grip of abortion, and I owe Him everything I have. I pray that He use every single talent He has given me to push this evil out of the darkness and into the light for all to see. This is a fight I have been assigned to.
I shared with my roommates that my “time of the month” was 2 weeks late. Being decent people, they went and purchased 3 pregnancy tests and told me they wouldn’t let me go out and party until I took them. So, in an apartment full of girls barely old enough to vote let alone walk someone through crisis, I subjected myself to their counsel and I took all three tests. I quickly exited the bathroom, and left them to watch and wait. I pressed my back against the wall in the hallway, my hold body trembling and stood there for what felt like 100 years. I will never forget the look of terror on my roommate’s face as she joined me in the hallway, and the sound of her voice softly breaking the silence with the positive results. I slid down the wall, and drew my knees to my chest, in hopes of finding some sense of security.
The moments following are a blur as my whole life flashed before my eyes. What do I do?! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Sheer panic flooded my mind. And the first real question, “How do I make this go away?”
In an instant, everything I had believed was on the table for negotiation. I immediately went searching for our college coupon book to find the free pregnancy test advertised by Planned Parenthood. I had seen it a dozen times before so I knew where to look. I remembered they had a 24 hour hotline, too. As I flipped back and forth, searching for it (and not finding it) a different coupon caught my eye: FREE PREGNANCY TEST AND COUNSELING_ 24 HOUR HOTLINE – Alpha Pregnancy Resource Center.
Guys, that was the hand of God. That blip in time changed my whole life. Had I found what I was looking for… gosh, I don’t even want to think of it. If I could help people understand what that moment is like for young women, I would say to imagine being pulled over by the police after having a few drinks, knowing that you are completely busted and your life is about to drastically change. Imagine that adrenaline rush, then multiply it by a million. The culture has thoroughly brainwashed us to believe that an unplanned pregnancy is quite literally the end of the world. With zero context of what having a child is actually like, we are convinced that it’s a dream killer. Being pregnant might as well be described to young women everywhere as a punishment from the devil himself. Does it change everything? Yes, it certainly does. Does it mean that you stop living, pursuing goals, or accomplishing your dreams? No, not in the slightest.
Now, I had recently received a very promising communication from the director of neurology at UC San Diego medical school with his intent to fast track me through the process of enrollment to their prestigious institution. The loss of that opportunity was definitely on my mind. I had so many dreams of traveling, finding love, becoming a world class physician, starting a family. All of it. The truth is that some of those plans were going to shift.
My trip to the Alpha Center the following morning was like a miracle. I was met with warm smiles, a hug, and a tenderness that I so desperately needed. I went straight into the sonogram room where the reality of precious life waved at me in the fluttering of a new beating heart on a screen. When they say ultrasound machines are a powerful tool in saving lives, I can assure you they are 100% correct. That experience immediately demolished the years brainwashing from the enemy camp. That tiny baby on the screen took a huge chunk out of the unwarranted fear I was engulfed in. Thank you Jesus.
In the beginning, I chose to go the open adoption route. I simply couldn’t justify being a single mom when I could give this child a stable family. I wanted to change my life, and it had to start with doing what was emotionally hard, but best for this little baby. I also knew that I could pick back up on my studies soon and hopefully go to medical school. I found a Christian adoption agency close by and they were very helpful.
Soon, I found myself sitting in a room full of file cabinets at this agency. Each cabinet contained hundreds of scrapbooks created by desperate couples who did their best to convince the reader of their merit and qualification to adopt their child. I read through so many of them, setting aside the ones that really struck an emotional chord, and discarding others. Looking back, gosh, I didn’t have a clue how precious those scrapbooks were and what they meant. The gravity of the task at hand was purely self-centered for me, not even thinking of the struggle each book represented. I want people to know that second to the loss of a child’s life and the violence done to the mother, the abortion industry robs good people of the chance to parent a child. It’s so disgusting to me that we have cabinet rooms like that all over the country, and we throw thousands of children in the garbage every day. How have we let this happen? God, please forgive us.
Through my sorting process, I came across a family book made by people I knew. Our first meeting was sweet and they were so excited I chose them to raise my child.
The day of my 22-week appointment arrived and I was so nervous because this would be the day I found out the gender of the baby. Could I handle knowing more about this child that I wasn’t allowed to keep? Would it make all of this harder? God had been drawing me so close to Him as I waited for this birth, and I knew I had to trust that He would get me through each step of this process, but I really was struggling emotionally. It didn’t help that my family was adamantly against me giving this child up for adoption. They wanted me to let them raise the baby, but I knew I couldn’t have done that. So, as I got dressed for the appointment in my bathroom, I began to pray. “God, help me get through this. Give me strength to fully release this child to the family you so graciously presented to me. I need you to be my husband in this and hold me as I go through this alone”. Looking in my bathroom mirror, all of the sudden, I saw what looked like an angel figure brush behind me. I felt it, too! What was that?! In an instant, I heard the voice of my Maker audibly for the first time. He said, “Her name is Grace”. I was stunned. I completely stopped putting on makeup and stood there for a long while trying to catch my breath and process. After several minutes, I think I just said, “Ok, Lord. Ok.”
Sure enough, at the appointment that afternoon, we saw on the ultrasound screen that this baby was indeed a girl, and in front of my grandmother and my mom, I said, “Her name is Grace”.
Our last adoption meeting took place when I was about 7 ½ months pregnant. The meeting went well. However, as I left the agency office that day, once again something very profound occurred. I stood by my car in the parking lot, watching the adoptive mom as she got to her car. She picked up her cell phone and joyfully exclaimed “we’re having a baby!”. For some reason, I froze. As I watched her drive away, a new thought kept entering my mind, “I’m having a baby.” For the second time in my life, I audibly heard the voice of God. He simply said, “You are enough”. I knew exactly what He meant. That was the day I let myself receive the honor of becoming a mom. I’m Grace’s mom, and I’m enough.
Grace Helen Elizabeth was born on April 30, 2002. She was perfect in every way, and though I did it without a husband, God provided my sweet family to support me. I knew He would never leave me or forsake me.
Just 4 months later, I met the man that God had chosen to be my husband and Grace’s dad. That was the third and last time I heard the audible voice of the Father. As I shook Michael’s hand for the first time God said, “This is your husband”. There is a long and beautiful story in there, but I’ll save it for another time. We were married three and a half months after that initial meeting on a magical January night in the falling snow of the Colorado Rockies. Our first kiss was at the altar in front of 200 of our friends and family. And would you know it? Nine months later we welcomed a baby boy and named him Maximus Michael, meaning the greatest who is like God. For God had Grace on me in my darkest hour of sin, and in His infinite greatness He fulfilled His promises to me.
“For I know know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.” — Jeremiah 29:11-14
I said before that I learned the answer much later in life. I actually learned the answer just this past week. August 23, 2021. I was so far away from God, and had sinned so much, I couldn’t possibly imagine He would have the desire to help me now.